Men and Women – Same planet, different universe – Part I
by Charles Marshall | June 18, 2008
?Men and women have completely different definitions of what constitutes a logical conversation. Put simply, a man believes that an action (a statement or question) should produce an equal and opposite reaction (an answer that directly correlates to the proffered statement or question).
To demonstrate, I offer the following actual conversation that I just had with my wife on the phone:
Me: Hey honey, have I gotten any e-mail today?
Wife: No.
Me: Oh, OK. What're you doing right now?
Wife: I'm writing someone who e-mailed you and wanted some information about having you speak to their group.
Me: I thought you said I don't have any e-mail.
Wife: You don't. I'm already answering it.
Me: Arrgggh!
The weird thing is that most women can look at the preceding transcription and still not see what the big deal is. Let me attempt to clarify the problem by conveying what the conversation sounded like to me.
Me: Hey honey, have I gotten any e-mail today?
What I heard my wife say: No, you haven't received any e-mail today. There have been no electronic communications sent to you at all on this day. No SPAM, no personal messages. Nothing. Nada. Zero.
Me: Oh, OK. What're you doing right now?
What I heard my wife say: I'm your wife from a different dimension who speaks to you in an unintelligible language. Blabbity-jabbity, You've got mail!
Me: I thought you said I don't have any e-mail.
What I heard my wife say: I may have said that, and I may not have. You're in my alternative universe now where words have no meaning and rules don't apply.
Me: Thump. Thump. Thump. (Sound of me repeatedly hitting my head against the wall.)
Now, in the interest of fairness, here is what I think the same conversation sounded like to my wife.
What my wife heard me say: Hey honey, did I receive any e-mail that you feel is relevant, or that you have any interest in telling me about?
Wife: No.
What my wife heard me say: Oh, OK. Let me start annoying you by getting into your business. Tell me every little thing you're doing right now.
Wife: I'm writing someone who e-mailed you and wanted some information about having you speak to their group.
What my wife heard me say: I formally accuse you of stating an untruth. You clearly told me that, not only do I not have any e-mail now, but you also claimed that I have never received any e-mail in the past, nor will I ever receive any in the future.
Wife: I said no such thing. Where would you get such an absurd idea? You never listen to a thing I tell you.
This type of misunderstanding inevitably leads to a fight, which one would think would offer some small measure of satisfaction because the unfettered exchange of thoughts and opinions might finally commence. But one would be dead wrong. The dialogue during our fights is even more confusing and maddening.
Wife: You're yelling at me.
Me (normal voice): I was not yelling at you.
Wife: Yes you were. You're yelling right now.
Me (louder now): This is not yelling. This is raising my voice!
Wife: No, it's not. You're yelling at me.
Me: (yelling now): THAT WAS NOT YELLING! THIS IS YELLING!
Wife: (Starts crying)
Sometimes I think the whole thing might just be a case of same planet, different universe. We're using the same words but speaking different languages.
It seems a lot of us have the same problem in communicating with God. We expect him to lay it out for us exactly the way we want to hear it. We want to dictate to him how he talks to us, answers our prayers and meets our needs. And if he doesn't immediately conform to our ideals, then we claim he's either indifferent, hostile or non-existent.
That doesn't seem exactly fair, does it?
Maybe it would be best to start from the vantage point that God knows best how to communicate with us - in both language and content - and then do our best to interact with him on his terms, not our own.
I have to cut this short now because I have to go explain to my wife why my yelling at her to tell her I'm not yelling doesn't really count as yelling. That shouldn't be too difficult, should it?